In the nineties The Spice Girls gave us Girl Power and suddenly women began celebrating being female and gained strength by uniting in their new found power. Since then technology has advanced and mobile phone cameras have created 'the selfie generation' and girls everywhere are uploading digitally enhanced photos of themselves or posing for multiple shots in order to get the 'perfect photo'. This new fad combined with the extreme airbrushing in magazines has resulted in an obsession with plastic surgery and an unhealthy focus on appearance. Girls can be known as the bitchy sex. Girls get together and often chat about other girls. It's like some kind of shameful bonding exercise where we judge other girls on their looks, their social media status updates and photos. Women spend more time checking each other out than they do men. We are fascinated by every aspect of other women. Whether it is their clothes, hair, make up or even weight, we are constantly comparing ourselves to others. It's not healthy. Society pushes women to try and adhere to unattainable standards of beauty which puts unbelievable pressure on us. Some girls take drastic measures to try and keep up resulting in low self esteem and even, at the severe end of the scale, body dysmorphia and eating disorders. Yet women still aren't supporting each other.
It is only this week that I have realised how badly the break up of an important childhood friendship has affected me and that revelation in itself is therapeutic. I have spoken about it before in my previous blog entries but I never realised how badly it hurt me. Annie* (not her real name) and I were like sisters. We would spent hours together and she came on several holidays with my parents and I. However, underneath the friendship ran a manipulative streak with her voicing constant threats of falling out with me. After two years as best friends I went on holiday abroad for two weeks and when I came back she wanted nothing to do with me. When we fell out it ripped my heart into a million pieces, I felt totally rejected and I assumed that there must have been something wrong with me. She flaunted her new friendship in my face by walking past my house on a daily basis arm in arm with a girl she knew I didn't get on with, a girl who had always disliked me. She spread rumours around the village about me, telling people I was a 'slag', making me sound strange by conjuring up bizarre stories about me. She may as well have stamped on my heart, I have truly never felt so alone. I was at a new school with people I barely knew and that's when the bullying started and girls constantly called me 'ugly'. From then on I think I put a barrier up with girls because no girl had ever been truly nice to me. Despite going through a few friendships with girls I shut myself off emotionally from connecting with them. Some of that was because I picked the wrong friends again but some of it was because girls intimidated me.
Three weeks ago everything started to change. I never want to forget what I have just been through. I have faced something I so badly wanted to run away from and I have been fighting it so very well which I never imagined I would do. The past five days have been a roller coaster of emotions. I have been through a major four hour operation and I have done it miles from home and from my Mum and by doing so I have overcome so many hurdles. I had two procedures to remove two separate fibroids. One was removed laparoscopically and the other was done via a hysteroscopic resection (basically through the vagina!) . The fibroid that was removed via keyhole surgery measured 10.5cm and the surgeon discovered it was pressing on my organs, especially my bladder and blocking the tube up to my kidney and pushing everything up into my ribcage. The six month artificial menopause I had been put in to was supposed to shrink it by cutting off it's oestrogen supply (oestrogen makes them grow), but it hadn't shrunk it, it had probably just halted its growth. It is strange to say that during what should have been a bad time I have experienced the greatest lesson in empowerment and that during the hours of pain I was at the happiest I have been in twenty years. This is all because I met and bonded with the girls in my hospital ward and I realised that the female population can be kind and powerful.
The night after my operation I was dreading being alone and in pain but once I started chatting to the girls around me I realised I was anything but alone. Sammy, Nabila, Amanda and Michelle were all going through hard things and it was like we were united in our pain. Our lovely staff nurse made three of us tea, toast and jam and we all had a late night chat, bonding and smiling. The next day Sammy got her boyfriend to bring in a Subway sandwich for us both and because I had barely eaten in a day I swear it was like a little piece of heaven. Since I left hospital I have eaten four Subways and before I went in I hadn't eaten one in four years! Sammy made me laugh so hard it literally hurt. She was strong, fun, kind and most importantly very genuine and uplifting. There was not a single streak of jealousy or bitchiness in her. It felt so unbelievably good to spend such a difficult time with other girls. I always put on a mask but due to the circumstance I had no choice but to be myself and that helped me to push through pain and not once did I feel lonely. I often get annoyed with people who suggest curing depression or chronic illness by 'thinking positive' because I don't think it's that simple. However, being able to feed off of other people's positive energy, genuinely smiling (instead of my usual facade) and having a bright outlook really did pull me through. Despite me telling them how amazing they were they probably have no idea what they have done for me. They were my little guardian angels, my rays of light in what I thought was going to be a very dark place. They have restored my faith, my hope for the future, made me realise that have to start living life being more myself.
A simple but really poignant act of human kindness touched me so deeply. Sammy and Amanda were both asleep but I couldn't get comfortable because of the pain so I messaged Michelle was was awake in the bed opposite me and we chatted via Facebook for a while so we didn't wake anyone up. I had barely any battery left on my mobile and I couldn't move because I was hooked up to a drip, an oxygen mask and a catheter and I was in pain. When I told Michelle she got up despite her own pain and hobbled over to plug mobile in. It was the sweetest thing ever. Women should have a fundamental urge to look after each other. We should be able to tell another woman she looks beautiful and not feel threatened or jealous of her looks but be full of admiration. Women fought for equal rights we were sick of men belittling us yet we constantly bring each other down. Girl Power is what we should be championing. We need to stop the bitchy war of words that's fought behind each other's backs. Get over the fights we had over insignificant things when we were 15, and tell each other when we are looking hot! Being green with envy is like a disease. It is soul destroying and bad for your self esteem because it takes so much effort to be hurtful, hateful and bitter. Life is much nicer when you smile and appreciate the beauty in others. Why not smile at that girl who disliked you 18 years ago...the past is the past! The female form is something which has inspired art for centuries now, it is something of great beauty. Beyoncé is right, girls do rule the world. However, let's make this is positive thing not something to fear.
